Numbers Don’t Lie (or the Vasectomy Story)

For a while, I have promised my friends that one day I would do a post about an event that changed the lives of my wife and me in a nice way. Just remember there are no, sure things, and that is the story’s moral (or numbers don’t lie). Remember this the next time someone tries to sell you a “sure thing” financially.

After the birth of our 3rd daughter, my wife and I discussed whether we wanted to have more kids. We figured 3 was going to be enough for us. With this in mind I arranged (after a lot of procrastination) to have a Vasectomy. I had a lot of male friends say they would never do that, but I had no problem going. If it meant I didn’t have to deal with other methods of contraception, I would be happy with that.

I went and got my Vasectomy done, which is an easy phrase, but it certainly was a little uncomfortable. I thought with that our lives were now set, and we could start planning the rest of our life, without having to worry about contraception and such.

The Plot Thickens

About 2.5 years later, my wife started complaining about how she felt terrible and couldn’t get out of bed. She was working with young kids at the time, so we thought maybe she had picked up a bug. After a while, she started hinting to me that perhaps she was pregnant.

I kept thinking that this could not be the reason, but eventually, after a home pregnancy test came up positive, she went and saw her obstetrician and sure enough, she was pregnant. For those thinking, well maybe it wasn’t yours? The lives my wife and I led meant if my wife had found time to have an affair, I would have been impressed.

Needless to say, I was a little upset, so I went to find the Urologist who had done the now alleged vasectomy and found he had closed up shop. I went and saw my GP, and he scheduled a “test” to see what was going on, and the phrase used to describe the results was, “… It was like you had never had a vasectomy at all“. My wife still claims that she thinks I just went to the bar that day, but I can assure you good reader, I did indeed have some kind of procedure in my testicular area.

Conclusions?

The Pope is actually correct here, the only way not to have a child, is to abstain from sex. This is one of the few things that the Vatican and I agree on. My wife and I are mentioned in many High School health classes (not by name, but by reference), as well.

My own data has found that I knew 2 other men who had vasectomies fail (one after 8 years, and one that just never worked. We have also met about 5 women who have had tubal ligation that got pregnant as well (which can be very dangerous)).

I also have met many men who have had their vasectomies reversed? Seems like a lot of work to me.

CDC Findings

According to the CDC here are some contraception failure rates:

Withdrawal	Really? This is Not a Method of contraception
Male Condom	13%
IUD	0.8%
Female Sterilization (Tubes cut)	0.5 %
Male Sterilization (Vasectomy)	0.15%

Note there are no ZEROES on this list.

Punch Line

In life, there are no sure things.