In hopes of helping other parents who be having issues about how to spend their hard-earned pay on their children, sometimes we offer useful parenting tips, and this week we give you a solution to the next prickly solution:
Your daughter/princess wants to go to the University of OH MY GOD IT COSTS A FORTUNE, and she also wishes to have a Wedding out of a fairy tale (i.e. something well over $100K in costs).
I can already hear some of you answer, “Oh my God, BCM, I am having that same problem. How can we resolve this issue?“. If you can afford this, then you need not read any further.
In our case, we are attempting to create a creative compromise for this problem. We believe that education is vital. We have attempted to save (as best we can) for our children’s post-secondary education. We will try our best to ensure our children graduate without a debt load. This pertains to their University Education. I know some of my regular readers believe this is a mistake, but we believe it is essential.
As for the fairy tale wedding, I have pointed out to my children that Mrs. C8j and I are of modest means and that if they ask for any money for their wedding, I have a simple rule in place:
- Suppose I put any money into a wedding, I. In that case, as HOST, I have the right to invite whoever I wish to this event. I can drink as much as I like. I can say whatever I want. I also have many incriminating pictures available for the “Father of the Bride” speech.
- I do not finance the wedding, so I am only a guest. I must abide by the rules put forward by the party’s hosts. I will, to the best of my abilities, be my regular cordial self. I will attempt not to drink to excess. I will have a short and not excessively embarrassing “Father of the Bride” speech.
What are My Kids' Opinion?
My children fully know my ability to embarrass them without even trying. Hopefully, they will cringe when they think about what I might do if I was trying (hard) to embarrass them.
I think this is a very simple solution to the problem, but I already know that some of my readers will say, "Don't pay for either", I am interested to hear your opinions nonetheless. Maybe I should ask Gail Vaz-Oxlade what she thinks of this.
The obvious solution for your daughter is to get you to fund the wedding, then get you so drunk before the party that you cannot attend and will not embarass her. You also neglect the effect of Mrs. BCM who will likely not allow you to be a jerk at any wedding and your daughter knows this.
I like the way you think ! ðŸ‘
Have you given your daughter reason to believe that you are capable of being a huge jerk who is willing to embarrass himself in front of all his friends and relatives to make a point?
Because if you haven’t, she may be willing to ask you to fund the wedding and take her chances that when the big day came, you’ll be your normal good-natured self.
I believe I was quite clear that acting like a Jerk in front of my friends is the least I can do for my kids. Embarrassment is a luxury I gave up long ago.
We paid the tuition for both our kids to go through university in this, their home town of Ottawa where there are not 1, not 2 but 3 universities worthy of attending.. They paid for books and other minor expenses like food and when my daughter chose to move out of the house to live nearer to OttawaU she worked and paid her rent too. Both kids left debt free–one to a great paying job the other also in a great job but low paying. Can we all have a collective cheer for Air Canada so he stays employed!
Over a year ago the older daughter announced she was getting married. They purchased their first house at the same time. I had always said to do a wedding on the cheap. Well weddings aren’t the same as when I was married over 30 years ago. So we are contributing because we can. Paying about half–1/3 from my hubby and I, 1/3 from each set of the grandparents small inheritance–all are dead–saving us 4 meals at the wedding :-). The other half of the wedding is funded by the lucky in love couple. It’s what they can afford that decides how extravagant the wedding will be. And it isn’t even close to your $50,000 extreme-aganza which is really a money grab when you invite over 200 people. Really. Can you actually count that many “close” friends and family?
As to what she can expect from the FOB. Well MOB will keep him from drinking too much, being too obnoxious in his wedding speech (including photos) and also saying he cannot invite any long lost loser friends who have never been a part of our kids lives. So there you have it. He will get to walk her down the aisle as I watch from the front. And I know he will cry. Both sets of parents will give our kids away–maybe with a high five or two. Then the party begins with family and friends who have been part of all our lives.
A wedding may be expensive, but feeding your new son-in-law after he and your daughter move back in with you will cost money too.
Very true as well…